LOVE 0320: THERE’S HOPE OR NONE THERE’S HOPE OR NONE .. i’LL WAiT .. ” Those were the words that I trusted. I was falling. She said she’s been very ready to catch me. Then suddenly, she was gone.
I’ve been from a very bad love story experience. Things I never thought would happen. Nobody would ever dream of a tragic ending love story, anyway. It was my first, so it’s my worst so far.
People would commonly say “everything has a reason”, or “that would pass by, honey” and “move on, there’s a lot of fish in the sea!”. Yes, that may or may not be true but you have to consider the present existing and dominant emotion first. Whatever you say, a human’s emotion is stubborn and causes things to get worse!
Humans conventionally decide during the strongest cry of their emotional climax. This is why we often make the same mistakes over again by using emotions dominantly and rejecting facts of reality just to feed the hunger of emotional neediness and fantasy.
I suffered for quite a bit under the spell of loneliness, deafening silence and the killer sadness. Human emotions are quite great. Love is the strongest. A euphorical feeling of heaven on Earth where you see stars on a starless evening and the sun on a cloudy day.
Lately, as I was moving on with the latest human tragedy, there’s this certain creature, who was there during my most broken and empty human moments. She was my musketeer, she pulls me up every time I feel like junk, and she seems to be very positive about everything.
On a beclouded evening in a common human world, I was broken and bruised. Things in my mind were cluttered. I was disturbed, I was infuriated and perplexed. I was telling few comrades about how I felt, being indifferent if anyone would even bother. Then, she came into the story. She was a mystic, golden-hearted, sweet, smart and emotional creature. I came to know her then, but not as deep as the ocean. I got the chance to be part of her chapter and she in mine. She became a golden treasure. She got me a few magical potions for healing fast. She was my lioness. A unique communication that only the wind can infer. She was full of compassion and affection. She was a fairy of few words who sprinkles fairy dusts on a heart.
“I am in love with you already”. A message blown to me by the wind which pushed me to strive hard, move on with the past, stand on my feet again and get back with life. “I can wait, I am not going anywhere, I will be a friend, just take it slow, feel every inch of pain, embrace every tear of sadness and move on,” so soothing that you could build a new castle in the clouds and run miles or travel past stormy seas to reach the calm side of the sea. Discovering every memory that we have had. Those things that already existed but weren’t nurtured due to hidden emotions and complicated situations. I envied her for she is strong, a woman with a lion’s heart.
“Goodmorning, Sunshine!” as I sent my message through the wind with the most happy heart. I didn’t get anything. An hour passed by. Two hours…three…I was staying positive but I was already restless, checking my inbox and my social account every minute hoping for a very significant message, but I am getting none. I got a little bit berserk “WHAT iS WRONG?? DiD I DO ANYTHING THAT OFFENDED YOU!?” I sent out angrily. Still, none. My world then twirled and turned dark. I was worried. I was really perplexed. It saddened me. Where are you? What happened? I didn’t do any wrong, did I? Reviewing our very last conversation “You’re still not okay…” was one of her last. Days passed, one…two…I didn’t stop saying “Hi” nor missed a day without greeting her a good day and sweet nothings. Three…four…Alas!! “Sorry. Hey, I am just here. Take care always, may you find the peace that you need.” was what I got. Then, I got deeply broken and hurt, “AGAiN?!?”. An improper goodbye from a a silent creature, still, I didn’t stop, hoping I could have my musketeer back.
Empty, hollowed, fooled, left, shattered, forgotten…those were the people around me. The hearts and my fully brightened skies with dazzling stars and roaring andromedas suddenly dimmed. Truly, she was gone. No goodbyes.REALiTY
I suffered. Feeling fooled and blaming myself with too much trust in a creature I wrongly knew. She wasn’t a lioness at all. She didn’t have as much strength and courage as I thought she had. Most of all, she didn’t trust me and she never believed me at all.
Friendship and companionship were vowed, that no matter what happens she will stay. Did she?
Back to reality. She was only human. She wasn’t a creature from my world. I was supposed to be very ready in bringing her to my world, including her in my dreams, but she doesn’t have the spirit to enter paradise and that, my friend, is the reality. I accepted it. I have to accept it. She was an inimical creature, unhealthy for my heaven.
She never trusted me.
She was too good to be true.
Presently, my stars are still luminous. I can still walk on my andromedas. I can see bright lights in my heaven now. A new hope, a new life. Everyday is a new life, actually. Moving forward and being very careful in whom to trust. She broke my trust. The one and only trust I had for her. My angel no more. My lioness no more. And I feel like I don’t know her anymore.
No goodbyes. Doors locked without knowing exactly when.
My story with you has ended. I am moving on with the next chapter and the lioness isn’t there anymore. I wouldn’t say she was a waste. She was not! She was a lesson for life. She may never have the chance to be totally part of the story, but she was once one of the highlighted characters. Maybe someday, when the lioness’ heart is totally being set free with doubts and fears, she’ll come back and be part of the story, in a much more powerful and positive way.
Getting on with my world, was it love? I don’t want to assume. But, for sure, it was a goodbye.
LOVE 0320: THERE’S HOPE OR NONE